*regret or forget?

Family over *e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g*

Do you ever miss someone so much it hurts? Do you ever look backing trying to pinpoint the place where it all started to go wrong? It's so harding missing someone you know doesn't miss you back. When they cross your mind, you know they are thinking about someone else. Heartbreak is hard. 

Some people just don't get "love". They don't understand because they've never been there, that person will ALWAYS be a part of your life. No matter what you do, whether you break-up with or get broken up with when it comes to your first true love, you'll always have a part of them and vice versa. 

It kind of sucks thinking this. It's difficult knowing that you may never have that person again. You don't regret it though, you loved your time together. It's hard knowing that you may never have that chance with them again or that they'll never love you the same way again. Love is difficult and there's never really truly knowing what love is or how it works.

Love comes in so many different ways and there are different types of love. But let me point out one thing to begin with, loving someone and BEING IN LOVE with someone are two totally different things. Although you cannot be in love with someone without loving them, you can most certainly love someone without being in love with them. Love is an action NOT a feeling. You choose who and what you love, same goes with things you choose to dislike. 

You can allow yourself to make your own decisions or you can choose to love because someone else does. I believe you can teach yourself to love someone but I don't think I'm a firm believer in teaching yourself to fall in love with someone. Although loving is an action, I believe falling in love is something you don't have control over. You can keep yourself from letting it showing or telling the person how you feel though. 

Teaching yourself to fall out of love with someone is a totally different story. Wanna talk about rough? That's rough. Life goes on though and you grow. It might take weeks, months, maybe even years. Love is not something that should be taken lightly. Yes, you should love everyone ESPECIALLY yourself. Love is something that we should all do. We should do it all the time and whole heartedly.

All of these pictures represent different types of love. The love I have for my family is different than the love I have for my friends although I treat them as if though they were my family. I don't know what I'd do without my friends and I've written about them before. My love is unchanging though. It is not circumstantial. Sometimes I may get angry or upset, but that doesn't mean I just stop loving someone, it doesn't work that way. Love is a lot like life and has its ups and downs just like everything else. Love is love. 

Love should be unfailing. Love should be constant, love should flow freely. I love talking about love because it is one thing everyone should have in common at one point in their lives. Love can be for just about anything, sadly. Love needs to be not only for others but for yourself also. I always talk about loving yourself because that is one thing I have struggled with for the longest time. I'm finally understanding the importance of loving myself. Without love for myself, how can I truly love others to my fullest extent?

Above all else, I believe there is no greater love than that of God. I want to be able to love like Jesus did. Without judging, without persecution, without thinking. He loved without getting angry, without asking questions. Being patience and letting the little things matter the way they should.  I want a perfect love and I want to show and give perfect love. Love is such a short word yet holds more power than a person would think. Love changes lives, love saves lives, love should be life. Always chase after love and never give up. Because without love, what are we? Until next time...

xoxox

numbers...1.2.3

I'm so sick of letting a number define me. I've always thought that it was such a silly concept to allow a number on a pair of jeans to tell me whether I was beautiful or not. I never really believed I struggled with such an issue until tonight. I don't think that pant sizes or shirt sizes or magazines or celebrities have the right to tell us whether we are beautiful or not. I believe that we should be seen by our character and the way we treat others.

It really bothers me when girls in size 4 jeans stand in front of you and say they hate how fat they are. Do they not understand that when they say that about themselves, we look at ourselves and wonder what they truly think of us? That's one of the deepest cuts and girls don't even realize how much those words can truly hurt. No one truly does until it happens to them...just like almost every other situation that shows itself in this crazy, unforetold life. 

How awesome would it be if clothes were labeled not by sizes but by words that made people feel good about themselves? What if the pants were labeled "beautiful" and "curvy" and "drop dead gorgeous" no matter what size they wore? What if we stopped putting so much emphasis on how people looked and instead looked at their personalities? Character is worth so much more than looks but people these days don't seem to grab or understand that concept. I hate hearing that a girl doesn't like her body because a guy told her she was too big. Or that a guy doesn't think he's attractive enough because his body isn't built or doesn't have a six pack. 

Magazines and movies and movie stars have created such a narrow space in our minds on how people should look. It truly is upsetting to know that our world has come to this. I'll be the first to admit that I haven't always been the skinniest or prettiest girl my entire life but I also don't strive to be. I want people to see me for me.  I don't want them to have to scrape off the make-up and tear me apart in order to find the true me. 

I'll also admit that it hasn't been such an easy ride. I know what it is like to feel unwanted or not good enough. What it's like to hate my body or not think I'm not skinny enough. I have had to train myself to block out such thoughts because I know they aren't true. The enemy is telling me these things and that is the last person I want to listen to. I know it's difficult to forget the harsh things people say about you, for some horrible reason, they tend to stick in our minds rather than the kind things tell us.

Did you know that you are more likely to remember the cruel things someone said to you rather than remembering a single good thing they said about you? Think about it. How easy is it to automatically spout off what you don't like about yourself? Now trying naming all the things you like about yourself, the things you do that you actually wouldn't mind people pointing out to you. Not as easy, huh? It's sad. I hate that our minds work that way, but unfortunately they do. 

We've got to train our minds to block out the bad. I'm not saying forget anything bad anyone has ever said to you, but that we shouldn't listen when they say terrible things. You shouldn't listen to yourself especially because we are our own worst critics. It's difficult when you see someone and think "I wish I looked like that" or "Man, she's got beautiful hair, why can't I look like that?" or "That dude is ripped, if only I had his body." Don't do that. You are perfect the way you are. If you don't like something about yourself and you think you can fix it, go for it. It's not a bad thing to want to change.

I will say this, do not complain and not do anything about it. You have the power to change, use it. If you want to be fit, do it. Work out. Eat healthy. Find people who will support you and encourage you do the things you want to do. It's never a bad thing to take a risk for some good change. Cut your hair, grow it out, color it, get a perm. Hair is hair. It will always grow back. It will always go back to the way it was. I'm not saying go change yourself so you look the way the magazines say to. I'm saying that you can learn to love yourself. You can get your body to a place where you are content, you can learn to be content where you are now.

Everyone is beautiful in their own way. The way a person looks should never hinder their personality. Keep in mind, if you wouldn't want someone saying something about you, don't say it about someone else. You are perfect, honestly. There's something good in everyone, sometimes we just need a push to get it to come out. We all struggle, don't give up. The best is yet to come; it's always darkest before dawn. Until next time...

xoxox