Ever have those days when you don't know what you're doing with your life? It's like you're just walking around, second guessing your purpose. I've had a week like that. Never in a million years did I imagine my life to be like it is today, not that that's a bad thing. But I don't think that's necessarily a good thing either.
Happiness. That's a word that really gets to me sometimes. I've never been a "naturally happy" person, I'm not optimistic in the least but I'm not always looking for the worst in things or people either. I'm pretty real. I tell people like it is, I take life and situations for how they are and I deal. But is dealing always good enough? Will it ever just be enough?
I struggle to be happy but I think a lot of people do, it's just not something they admit. People constantly walk around with smiles plastered on their faces with pictures of their weekend drinks posted all over Instagram and their funny jokes on Twitter. The only thing about it is that on social media you only see what people want you to see, you are looking through rose colored glasses. But isn't everything better with a filter?
I think that's one of the hardest things growing up a millennial, we're told our feelings don't matter and we shouldn't share them with the people we love when it's about something intimate, important. We should put on a mask, we should do this and wear that to get people to like us. If I hang out with these people, I'll like myself and life better because they have X amount of followers on whatever social media. I hate this. I hate the idea that we all should feel the same, that we should pretend to be happy, wear a face, and not talk about feelings. This is really screwing our generation up and I honestly believe that's why relationships are failing.
It's the cool thing to "ghost", it's the cool thing to sleep around but never catch feelings, it's the cool thing to party every day and pretend nothing matters when your life is falling apart. Why? What do these things accomplish? I'll tell you from my experience nothing. From my experience, those things have honestly only made things worse.
Anyone who knows me, especially my friends, will tell you I'm honest. I live by "honesty is the best policy" but I don't live by "the truth hurts." The truth doesn't always have to hurt, but being honest doesn't always mean you're being truthful. I think that's something else our generation has mastered, the art of blurred lines, the art of leaving unspoken words to fill in the gaps and leave people guessing, the art of deception because something was implied but wasn't really meant.
These are the things that are hurting people, the things we need to be talking about. I want people to talk about their feelings, tell their friends they love them, and let them know when they are upset or angry. The people you love should support you no matter what. The people that love you should be willing to lend an ear or a shoulder or a night if that's what you need.
I've grown up blessed beyond measure. My parents just celebrated their 33rd wedding anniversary in May, I'm the youngest of 5 and we have college degrees. I have people who love me and support me. I have a roof over my head, clothes on my body, a bed to sleep in, food to eat, and a job to sustain me. But that doesn't mean life doesn't get hard sometimes, that it doesn't get lonely and that life is all rainbows and flowers. I am thankful for what I have, but that doesn't mean my life is perfect.
I have a lot of feelings and unlike most people my age I'm not afraid to show it. You make me mad? You'll know. You make me happy? You'll definitely know. You upset me? Well, you'll know eventually.
Why is it so easy to let someone know when they've pissed us off? Because anger is easy, anger is common, anger is pretty much encouraged this day in age.
Why don't we let someone know that they've made us happy? Because we can't give them that satisfaction? Because we're afraid we can't reciprocate? Please please please let someone know when they make you happy, when they make you laugh, make your day better. You never know what that could mean to someone. Maybe they're looking for that person to brighten their day and you could be it. Don't be afraid of being vulnerable. Vulnerability is a good thing, most of the time. Just because someone makes you happy doesn't mean your happiness relies on them and it shouldn't, it never should. But it's okay to let someone make you happy for once.
Why is being sad not okay? Why is having a bad day/week/month something to be looked down upon? I just don't get it. Some days you just can't. It's hard, life is coming at you full force and you're lonely. Some days you feel like you have no where to turn, no one to talk to, and no sense of direction and where you're headed next. I get that. I have those days a lot and they're getting much more frequent.
I think it is so so so so important to be talking to people about our sadness, everyone has it. I never go through a bad day alone, even if it feels like it. I always have a friend I text to let them know what's up, have someone to check in on me. Life can be rough. People can throw a lot of things at you and you should never have to do life alone.
I wish people would be honest. Honest about how they feel, honest about what they want, and honest about life. No one's life is perfect, cliche I know, but it's so awfully true that I think we forget that sometimes. You want her body, his girlfriend is better than your's, that house is bigger, the car is faster, that job pays more. There's always going to be something to leave you not content with what you have, not content in your own skin, not content with life. I'm not saying that you should be content and stagnant, I just don't think you should always want what other people have. You don't know their stories, you don't know their secrets (and Lord knows we all have those).
I want people to feel loved. I want people to know I love them, that I'm here for them. I try to tell my friends that as often as possible. My friends know they can come to me with anything, I'm a judgement free zone. There are so many mistakes I have made, so made wrong decisions, and bad moves I've made that I wouldn't want someone to just throw it back in my face, to use it against me. I want people to be understanding, to be there for each other, to just listen.
There's something I've read and heard time and time again and I think it rings so true for my generation: Most people don't listen with the intent to understand, they listen with the intent to reply.
Why are we so focused on the response instead of hearing people out? Why is what we have to say so much more important or is it? There are times where I'm talking and I just stop mid-sentence and the person I was speaking to doesn't notice, where I leave stories unfinished and conversations undone. I'm that person who listens intently to what you have to say because I understand what it's like to have no one listen.
I hate that. I hate that anyone would ever feel the way I do. No one person should ever feel like they don't have someone to turn to, somewhere to run when they need to talk, destress, figure out life, or just need someone to listen. Someone to really listen to what they have to say, how they're feeling, what's going on in their life. Someone to listen and not respond. Someone to just be there.
Please, be honest. Please, be kind. Please, remember we are all human and we're just trying to survive.
