Patience: is it a virtue?

vir·tue ˈvərCHo͞o/

noun — behavior showing high moral standards.

Funny,  I've never had much patience for anything or anyone for that matter. But lately I have been surprising myself. 

I don't have patience when it comes to myself and seeing progress in different areas of my life. 
I don't have patience when it comes to wanting to get a new job, getting out of my home town, or finding someone to spend the rest of my life. 
I don't have patience when it comes to dealing with my family, especially my mom. 
I don't have patience when it comes to waiting for food when I'm hungry or waiting for the shower when we've all got somewhere to be. 
I don't have patience when it comes to sitting in traffic and I'm running behind or I just want to get somewhere quickly. 

But...

I have patience when it matters. 
I have patience when my friend is having a bad day and needs someone to listen. 
I have patience when the new person at work asks how to use our system or where to find a phone number. 
I have patience when someone asks me to pray for them, knowing full well God has his hand in everything. 
I have patience when it comes to watching my best friend's broken heart heal. 
I have patience when my niece or nephew is trying to learn something new and asks for my help. 
I have patience when I have to run to the drugstore to pick up a prescription because mom couldn't get there after work. 
I have patience when I know I need to have it because to some people, my patience may be the only good thing they encounter that day. 

Patience has always been a work in progress for me, it's never really come easy. It's something I'm sure I'll be working on for the rest of my life. But lately, God's really shown me where I struggle with my patience and where I have it down pat. 

The people I love, I love with everything I have. The people I care about know I care about them not just because I tell them I do, but because I try to show them unconditional love. I have come to the realization that I'm always there for my friends no matter what. I always told them I would be, but lately it's been blatantly obvious to me how much I really do stick to what I say. It doesn't matter when or where or what I'm doing. I'll always stop to listen to what someone I care about has to say. This is when I realized that my tolerance for myself is so low it's kind of laughable. It's honestly sad. I can be patient with people I scream and fight with, people I only talk to when they need me, and people I talk to every day. Some who have been there for me through everything and some who have turned their back when I needed them the most. 

Funny. 


Patience. 


Think about it. 

I spend 24/7/365 with myself and I'm the least patient with myself. How does that even make sense? Maybe it's because I know I have the power to be better, do better. Maybe it's because I'm so patient with everyone else I run out of patience for myself. Or maybe it's because I like to make excuses and give myself another reason for self-doubt and loathing. 


Patience. 


It's something we could all use a little more of. It's something we could all most definitely work on getting good at. Being patient doesn't take time or a lot of effort. Being patience takes being aware, being attentive, and just being. Patience doesn't require a lot of effort, actually it requires very little, yet we make it out to be such a big, hard task. I just don't get it. 


So, as I walk through these next three weeks of Lent, one of my goals is to work on my patience. To be slower to anger, to take a deep breath and remember I might be the only positive thing someone encounters in their day, to remember that patience costs nothing with anger and hatred costs me my sanity and sight of who I really am. 


That's something to think about. What area do you really want to work on? Is there something you've always struggled with? Something you just can't quite figure out why it's like that but it just is? Take time to work on it. You don't have to be perfect, no one is perfect and no one expects you to be. Be patient with yourself. Realize that you're a work in progress, but you'll never progress if you never work on yourself. It's okay to get upset and frustrated if you slip up, that means you're working but don't let that discourage you. Shake it off and pick up where you left off. Patience will get you every time but no one can take your patience from you. Patience makes you a better person. 
Until next time...


xoxox

Person First *

Life's got a funny way of constantly reminding me I'm not in charge and by life, I mean God. Over the years my faith has been the only constant (aside from my incredible family). It's really amazing to go back and read what I wrote four years ago, noticing that my faith has been unwavering, holy crap. I wrote a post six months ago and never finished it, so I never posted it. But reading back on it, insane. A year ago, I was going through one of the most difficult times of my life thus far. I just graduated college, I moved home, I broke up with my boyfriend. I was so lost, I didn't know what I was doing with my life. I didn't have access to my best friend 24/7 because we didn't live together anymore, I couldn't just go on a drive around Radford to clear my head, and I wasn't able to call up my church mom and tell her I needed to come over to talk. Life changed radically in a matter of weeks. 

Crazy. 

I guess I never thought that life could change so drastically. I went to high school believing I'd be married after graduation. I went to college believing I'd leave a music therapist. I went to college in search of my MRS degree and came out with a BS in journalism. I've never been happier than I am right now. I hope that changes and I hope I continue to become happier. 

It's honestly amazing because I've never been much of a happy person, I've always liked to refer to myself as a "realist", which is really just a nice term for an pessimist who sometimes looks on the realistically bright side of things. But over the last year, I've learned what true happiness is. It took my 3 1/2 years of college to realize I'm going to spend my entire life figuring out who I really am. It also took me those 3 1/2 years to really solidify that I'm not going to get anywhere in this life that I want to be if I turn my back on God. I went to college determined to find my calling, determined to find my husband, and determined to find me. I went to college and God was determined to show me exactly what he had planned for my life, even when I turned my back on him. 

It's been a year since I've graduated, left my best friend behind, started my career as a journalist, and I'm still stuck at home. A year ago, I wouldn't have even thought to pick up a pen or sit down on my computer and type how I felt. A year ago, I was struggling to hang on because I was so lost. A year ago, I decided that I couldn't keep putting my faith on the back burner and I handed it over to God. Three months later, hundreds of job applications and I received my first job offer and I took it. It's insane to think about because I was dead set on broadcast journalism (not really sure why) and I sure as heck was not going to be working at a newspaper. Jokes on me! Here I am, nine months later and I've been published hundreds of times, written magazine articles and side bars, and I've survived. I've loved it. I've hated it. And I never want to do anything else. 

Writing has been my passion for what seems like forever now. I never really realized it, it was just something I always did. In high school, writing was how I got through anything. My God sister Alex at the time encouraged me to never stop writing and I haven't. I may not always write as often as I'd like for enjoyment, but I'll never stop writing. I'm learning more and more every day there's a reason God gifted me with the ability to write, to put my feelings into words, and to be able to tell other's stories. I don't know why yet, I'm not sure if I'll ever know why I received the gift of words, but man am I so so thankful I did. 

Words are so powerful and that can be scary sometimes. There are times when I just don't know what to say (ha, me speechless? Never!) and I'm just dumbfounded because words are my life. 

So the point of this post? Person first. "Person first?" you ask. Yes, person first. Person first was something I learned in my intro to music therapy class. Person first is the philosophy that when it comes to people who have disabilities or disorders, the person always comes first. You say the man with autism, not the autistic man. The person is more than their disability or disorder, that person is more than a diagnosis or a few lengthy words on a piece of paper. That person is a person first. 

This is something that I grasped so easily when it came to talking about someone with a disability or  disorder, but it's taken me four years to realize that this concept should be applied to every person you meet. Person first. This means you are so much more than words, whether they are words you put on yourself or some ridiculous label someone else put on you. You are important. You are loved. You were created for good. You were created by a God who loves you, who wants to see you do well, who wants you to be happy, who wants you to be his. 

Person first. 

I am important, not worthless. I am beautiful, not ugly. I am loved. I am wanted. I am a daughter of the one true King and I am blessed. I am whatever I want to be because I am person first. 

Until next time...xoxox