vir·tue ˈvərCHo͞o/
noun — behavior showing high moral standards.
Funny, I've never had much patience for anything or anyone for that matter. But lately I have been surprising myself.
I don't have patience when it comes to myself and seeing progress in different areas of my life.
I don't have patience when it comes to wanting to get a new job, getting out of my home town, or finding someone to spend the rest of my life.
I don't have patience when it comes to dealing with my family, especially my mom.
I don't have patience when it comes to waiting for food when I'm hungry or waiting for the shower when we've all got somewhere to be.
I don't have patience when it comes to sitting in traffic and I'm running behind or I just want to get somewhere quickly.
But...
I have patience when it matters.
I have patience when my friend is having a bad day and needs someone to listen.
I have patience when the new person at work asks how to use our system or where to find a phone number.
I have patience when someone asks me to pray for them, knowing full well God has his hand in everything.
I have patience when it comes to watching my best friend's broken heart heal.
I have patience when my niece or nephew is trying to learn something new and asks for my help.
I have patience when I have to run to the drugstore to pick up a prescription because mom couldn't get there after work.
I have patience when I know I need to have it because to some people, my patience may be the only good thing they encounter that day.
Patience has always been a work in progress for me, it's never really come easy. It's something I'm sure I'll be working on for the rest of my life. But lately, God's really shown me where I struggle with my patience and where I have it down pat.
The people I love, I love with everything I have. The people I care about know I care about them not just because I tell them I do, but because I try to show them unconditional love. I have come to the realization that I'm always there for my friends no matter what. I always told them I would be, but lately it's been blatantly obvious to me how much I really do stick to what I say. It doesn't matter when or where or what I'm doing. I'll always stop to listen to what someone I care about has to say. This is when I realized that my tolerance for myself is so low it's kind of laughable. It's honestly sad. I can be patient with people I scream and fight with, people I only talk to when they need me, and people I talk to every day. Some who have been there for me through everything and some who have turned their back when I needed them the most.
Funny.
Patience.
Think about it.
I spend 24/7/365 with myself and I'm the least patient with myself. How does that even make sense? Maybe it's because I know I have the power to be better, do better. Maybe it's because I'm so patient with everyone else I run out of patience for myself. Or maybe it's because I like to make excuses and give myself another reason for self-doubt and loathing.
Patience.
It's something we could all use a little more of. It's something we could all most definitely work on getting good at. Being patient doesn't take time or a lot of effort. Being patience takes being aware, being attentive, and just being. Patience doesn't require a lot of effort, actually it requires very little, yet we make it out to be such a big, hard task. I just don't get it.
So, as I walk through these next three weeks of Lent, one of my goals is to work on my patience. To be slower to anger, to take a deep breath and remember I might be the only positive thing someone encounters in their day, to remember that patience costs nothing with anger and hatred costs me my sanity and sight of who I really am.
That's something to think about. What area do you really want to work on? Is there something you've always struggled with? Something you just can't quite figure out why it's like that but it just is? Take time to work on it. You don't have to be perfect, no one is perfect and no one expects you to be. Be patient with yourself. Realize that you're a work in progress, but you'll never progress if you never work on yourself. It's okay to get upset and frustrated if you slip up, that means you're working but don't let that discourage you. Shake it off and pick up where you left off. Patience will get you every time but no one can take your patience from you. Patience makes you a better person.
Until next time...
xoxox
