Life's got a funny way of constantly reminding me I'm not in charge and by life, I mean God. Over the years my faith has been the only constant (aside from my incredible family). It's really amazing to go back and read what I wrote four years ago, noticing that my faith has been unwavering, holy crap. I wrote a post six months ago and never finished it, so I never posted it. But reading back on it, insane. A year ago, I was going through one of the most difficult times of my life thus far. I just graduated college, I moved home, I broke up with my boyfriend. I was so lost, I didn't know what I was doing with my life. I didn't have access to my best friend 24/7 because we didn't live together anymore, I couldn't just go on a drive around Radford to clear my head, and I wasn't able to call up my church mom and tell her I needed to come over to talk. Life changed radically in a matter of weeks.
Crazy.
I guess I never thought that life could change so drastically. I went to high school believing I'd be married after graduation. I went to college believing I'd leave a music therapist. I went to college in search of my MRS degree and came out with a BS in journalism. I've never been happier than I am right now. I hope that changes and I hope I continue to become happier.
It's honestly amazing because I've never been much of a happy person, I've always liked to refer to myself as a "realist", which is really just a nice term for an pessimist who sometimes looks on the realistically bright side of things. But over the last year, I've learned what true happiness is. It took my 3 1/2 years of college to realize I'm going to spend my entire life figuring out who I really am. It also took me those 3 1/2 years to really solidify that I'm not going to get anywhere in this life that I want to be if I turn my back on God. I went to college determined to find my calling, determined to find my husband, and determined to find me. I went to college and God was determined to show me exactly what he had planned for my life, even when I turned my back on him.
It's been a year since I've graduated, left my best friend behind, started my career as a journalist, and I'm still stuck at home. A year ago, I wouldn't have even thought to pick up a pen or sit down on my computer and type how I felt. A year ago, I was struggling to hang on because I was so lost. A year ago, I decided that I couldn't keep putting my faith on the back burner and I handed it over to God. Three months later, hundreds of job applications and I received my first job offer and I took it. It's insane to think about because I was dead set on broadcast journalism (not really sure why) and I sure as heck was not going to be working at a newspaper. Jokes on me! Here I am, nine months later and I've been published hundreds of times, written magazine articles and side bars, and I've survived. I've loved it. I've hated it. And I never want to do anything else.
Writing has been my passion for what seems like forever now. I never really realized it, it was just something I always did. In high school, writing was how I got through anything. My God sister Alex at the time encouraged me to never stop writing and I haven't. I may not always write as often as I'd like for enjoyment, but I'll never stop writing. I'm learning more and more every day there's a reason God gifted me with the ability to write, to put my feelings into words, and to be able to tell other's stories. I don't know why yet, I'm not sure if I'll ever know why I received the gift of words, but man am I so so thankful I did.
Words are so powerful and that can be scary sometimes. There are times when I just don't know what to say (ha, me speechless? Never!) and I'm just dumbfounded because words are my life.
So the point of this post? Person first. "Person first?" you ask. Yes, person first. Person first was something I learned in my intro to music therapy class. Person first is the philosophy that when it comes to people who have disabilities or disorders, the person always comes first. You say the man with autism, not the autistic man. The person is more than their disability or disorder, that person is more than a diagnosis or a few lengthy words on a piece of paper. That person is a person first.
This is something that I grasped so easily when it came to talking about someone with a disability or disorder, but it's taken me four years to realize that this concept should be applied to every person you meet. Person first. This means you are so much more than words, whether they are words you put on yourself or some ridiculous label someone else put on you. You are important. You are loved. You were created for good. You were created by a God who loves you, who wants to see you do well, who wants you to be happy, who wants you to be his.
Person first.
I am important, not worthless. I am beautiful, not ugly. I am loved. I am wanted. I am a daughter of the one true King and I am blessed. I am whatever I want to be because I am person first.
Until next time...xoxox
