Changes don't happen over night as much as we would all like them to. Although the beginning of a change can come at any hour of the day, anywhere, with anyone. A change has to be chosen by the person in with which the change is taking place. People may say "oh yeah, he/she is changing for the better", but are they really? No one changes unless they truly want to. No one gets better unless they truly want to. Changes only happen if you allow them to take place.
The entire reason of blogging again is to help keep track and keep changing. My life is one big mess of yuck and it needs to change. A lot of stuff has happened in the last year and a half. I have loved and I have lost. I have made some of the best and some of the worst memories of my entire life. I began college and lost my best friend. I have experienced my first heartbreak along with many other firsts.
I learned that in college you figure out what you truly want in life. What you want to do when you grow up, how to love, how to hate, who are your true friends are, that family is always there no matter what. Everything and anything can be overcome if you want it be. God has a huge part in my life and always has. I am very disappointed to say that I have slipped further away from Him than I have anyone this past year and I am so very much ashamed of myself. I cannot wait to be better than I ever have before, I cannot wait to be the new me. (:
It sounds crazy but I do my best, well most anyway, thinking at night. It is a terrible habit, I don't know what else to do when I can't sleep though. Honestly, I don't really mind if no one ever reads a single one of my blogs. I am not doing it for publicity or pity or empathy. I am simply doing it because I need to. Writing has always always always been one of my most prized possessions; writing is something no one will ever be able to take away from me. One day I hope to write a book, it's always been such a passion.
I know I'm rambling and none of this really goes together, but you have to cut me some slack, it is 3 in the morning. I've been home for the last month and I return to back to college on Sunday. I'm super nervous and excited and sad all at the same time. I hate leaving home because I leave behind my dog and my family. They are truly my backbone, I haven't a clue where I would be without them. Along with that, I'm excited to see my best friends and leave behind all memories that haunt me while I am home.
I always thought that love was forever, I thought that I was invincible and that no one could ever break my heart. Let me tell you, man was I wrong. I think just for thinking that, my heart got broken an extra amount. Although I no longer want to believe that there is such a thing as love, I do and I always will. How could there be no love when we have such an amazing God who loves and cares for us? He sent His son to die for us. If that is not true love, then I haven't a single clue what is. Although I thought I was in love, I'm not sure I know the total meaning of love, I'm not sure I ever did. Of course I was young and I've had one boyfriend, it does not mean that I have any less clue than the rest of you out there. Love is an action NOT a feeling. You choose to love, it is not something that just magically happens.
I know I've ranted on several different subjects and eventually I will hit every single one of them more individually, I have seriously got to get some sleep. So while y'all are out there reading this, I hope you don't think it is a waste of your time. And if it is, oh well, you already read it. (: But I want to leave you with a Bible verse:
"If you think you are standing strong, be careful not to fall. The temptations in your life are no different from what others experience. And God is faithful. He will not allow the temptation to be more than you can stand. When you are tempted, He will show you a way out so that you can endure." 1 Corinthians 10: 12-13
Proof God is real and He truly loves us:
Until next time, xoxox <3
