I never kept anything that I wrote about someone to myself. I usually told them that I wrote it, allowed them to read it, and waited for feedback or a response. I always was anxious about their response, sometimes I did not think I had the guts to hear what they had to say. Writing was the best thing I ever did to myself. It helped me say things that I could never physically say. It always had my greatest or worst memories, my feelings, inside jokes, nicknames, and so much more.
Writing truly saved me from myself and so many other evil things in this world. I wish I could write like I used to. I believe I was given a gift, but I set it aside for a person and lost it. The way I could just sit down and put a pen to a page was incredible to me. Honestly, half the time I didn't know what I was writing until I was done. Sometimes what I wrote only made sense to me until I explained it. Writing was a backbone my entire freshman year of high school.
One girl that was my best friend freshman year wrote along with me. Writing was just one of the many talents we had in common. I knew there was a reason God put her in my life, even if it was just for a short amount of time. She always encouraged me to continue to write and helped me when I was stuck in a writer's block. I am so thankful that she encouraged me to do what I loved. She was such an incredible writer herself and I truly hope she is still writing to this day. I know that she will make something amazing out of herself one day, and I am super excited to see what comes of it.
One of my most distinct memories of one of my absolute favorite writings is actually for and about this girl. We were at the youth lock-in at her church and I suddenly had the urge to write. So I got my notebook and my purple pen (the two things I kept with me at all times and the only things I EVER wrote in) and hide underneath a ping pong table. I didn't come out until I had two pages (typed, probably 4 hand written) about her and just the experiences of that night. Although we were only friends for just a few short four months before that, we had tons of memories. We were pretty much inseparable; we called each other sister. Even though we aren't as close as we used to be, we still call each other that when we do talk on rare occasions. We were truly sisters in Christ and always will be. We helped each other through so much and I am so very grateful for the time we did spend together as best friends.
It's funny that I'm writing about this because I really haven't thought about it in a really long time. It was just a mere four years ago when this all happened but so much stuff has happened that it doesn't seem like that was such a significant part of my life anymore. But it really is significant, it really shaped who I am today. Those writings and that girl were such a huge part of my life. I don't know where I would be without them, in all honesty.
It is kind of sad to think about all that I have left behind and know that it is not longer in my life. Sometimes I wish I was back at that lock-in, hiding under the pew while playing sardines. Or passing the ball at 5 am because we still hadn't gone to sleep. Those are memories I will never forget. And if there comes a time that I do, all I have to do is look back and pull out those "poems" I wrote and it will all come flooding back.
Hopefully one day I will be half the writer I used to be. I wish I had the same talent in the same way again. Words just flowed onto the page like I wasn't even there, they just seemed to kind of appear. Thinking about it, it's just like slow dancing in a burning room, eventually everything that was once there will be gone. No way to bring it back, just starting from scratch, all brand new. Memories will be replaced and I'll start writing in different ways.
I'm just glad I've gotten back into the grove. Hopefully once my schedule becomes normal routine I'll be able to write everyday, but until that happens I will write as frequently as I can.
until next time....
xoxox
